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7 things you should do to survive in South Africa


In this neck of the savannah things can be tough. The clan has to deal with many a passing Rinkhals, intent on harm. So this is some advice on how the common suburban Meerkat can survive life in the burrows.


 

  1. Turn off the news. Don't have any News24, ENCA or SABC on your social media feeds. Rather listen to USB sticks on your car radio. From Ramaphosa to Malema via Zuma and right up to Zille. They are all more full of rubbish than cousin Frikkie on a Sunday afternoon after over indulging on marulas. Rather spend some time viewing nature programs on the BBC with the friendly Oom David of Attenburrow or tune into the Good Things Guy!
  2. Exercise. This is after all the land of braaivleis, rugby, sunny skies and Chevrolet. Well, not really Chevrolet, more like Toyota Corolla, but you get the point. We have a great climate and you need more of those sunny skies. Thus at every opportunity, take some time and exercise. You will find me at the Cradle Loop Church most Sundays, somewhere between the caves and the coffee shops.
  3. Mrs Balls Chutney. Whenever, a Meerkat who has joined the diaspora comments to you how greener life is over the pond, send them a bottle of Mrs Balls Chutney. For good measure cut yourself a lekker chunk of biltong while you are wrapping up the parcel.
  4. Light a fire. So the Vogon type Meerkats in our neck of the savannah have robbed the local power utility blind. As a result our boltholes are subject to the occasional load shedding. Don't rush off to Builder's Warehouse or Makro and buy one of those Gupta generators. Rather light a lekker fire, sit and mediate in the darkness and then go read point 5 below. If you are feeling real enthusiastic use the fire for a braai. Just moer a passing Cobra over the head, skin him and place on the grill.
  5. Pour a dop. In South Africa our dop is 43% while across the pond it is 40%. We also have 750ml bottles while they only have 700ml. And that is not all, we pay less for more as what we pay for our bottles is way less than them. Met Eish (as in the ad at the top of the article)!
  6. Share a shower. Some parts of the savannah are experiencing a drought. Always share a bath or shower, especially with a cute or handsome fellow clan member, depending on your preference.
  7. Do something different each day. All you have to do is try, listen or taste something different each day. Or else go somewhere or find someone different. This would actually work no matter where you are in the world. Not only South Africa and is probably the most important in this list of things! Today I wrote an article that was not about technology.

If you think anything else should be on this list, please drop a comment below!

Ronald Bartels on twitter


This article was originally published over on LinkedIn: 7 things you should do to survive in South Africa

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